“A problem is not the whole truth.”

Deconstructing a problem invites the development of a more supportive and healthy alternative story to emerge.

Dismantling the shame, guilt and blame that may have fed the problem makes more visible and accessible the skills, abilities, gifts, interests, competencies and commitments a woman/relationship has available.

The trouble with relationship problems:

  • Problems lives compromise, limit, interfere, constrain, hurt and harm.
  • Problems can become so enmeshed within us that we can feel they have become us. People can experience their lives as internalized conditions of a problem(s).
  • Problem stories can act out as hostile or unhappy expressions of living through  warning signs like, depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia, addiction, feelings of futility and/or meaninglessness, etc.
  • Gaining control of a problem’s power over us can seem untenable when we are in the clutches of its tyranny and without support. Dreams can feel misplaced and the strength that fuels hope and clarity can be experienced as faint or unreliable.

Some of the mechanics of a problem:

Inside the problem story, our vitality can suffer and we can become hopeless or stuck.

  • Problems tend to thrive in isolation, where shame, regret, and feelings of being less-than- worthy are inclined to flourish and this can challenge our engagement with the more nourishing ways of being.
  • Problems distort our discernment of the personal strengths and skills that do exist within us and this can consequently mislead us away from the healthy and effective ways of coping and transforming life’s challenges.
  • Problems undermine our sense of agency and weaken the protests of what is not working.
  • Our Identities can be held captive by unwelcomed stories that are scripted about one’s life and relationships.

Tackling problems that assert dominance and control:

Re-authoring a life and engaging in preferred ways of living requires getting to know the problem narratives at play and refines perspective towards more supportive directions and meanings.


Getting to know the problem’s tactics can stimulate movement away from being complicit to a problem and towards becoming more familar with the resistance and resilience that exists and this counteracts the effects of the problem labels that do not serve us.


Developing effective counter strategies to replace the sabotaging tactics of a problem disrupts what is getting in the way of living a more problem free and healthier life.


A person’s departure from a saturated problem lifestyle often triggers clear insights and new choices that engage and enhance a lived experiences of fulfillment, often not anticipated.